What is taking Alfie so long? + Repercussions of his retirement

Most Sens fans are continually following along with Alfie's Retirement Watch - 2012. Will he stay for one last hurrah, or will he retire without a major injury (or a cup win for that matter). What could be taking him so long to decide?

At around the time of the All-Star game, when asked about his possible retirement, Alfie gave the response "It's 50% up to me, 50% up to my wife, Bibi". We were all comforted by the fact that this was, in all likelihood, a joke answer. He couldn't possibly hang up the skates when the Sens have successfully completed a one-year rebuild, especially with Ottawa under the spotlight of the league during the All-Star festivities.

But last I checked, it's late June, and Alfie still hasn't made a decision. I'm sincerely having trouble coming to terms with the fact that Alfie might actually go ahead and retire. I'm dreading the moment that I hear on TSN that the Sens have scheduled a press conference. We're talking about the guy who took a pay cut when the team was going through financial woes, and as a Sens fan of 26 years old, Alfie is the only captain I really know.

Alright, so say Alfie does retire. What affect can we expect it to have on our team?

Locker room: On the negative side of things, Gonchar and Phillips would become our veteran guys. With a young influx of Swedish players, a lazy Russian and a drunk Canadian might not be our best options as leaders. On the positive, our younger guys get an opportunity to regain some self-esteem. Not because their playing time will increase, but because they no longer have to be intimidated by Alfie's elephantine penis in the shower.

Obviously this puts an enormous gap in the leadership of the team. Spezza might be able to step up, but he likely doesn't have the when-I-am-pissed-you-can-hear-a-pin-drop factor like Alfie has. #11 can reportedly give some pretty inspiring speeches, and we would certainly miss this going forward.

Holes at wing: We'd all like to imagine the following top six forwards playing for the Sens:

Ryan/Nash - Spezza - Silfverberg
Milo - Turris - Alfredsson

But who is ready to step in if Alfie retires? Foligno? Butler? And for that matter, does this pending announcement only increase the need to sign or trade for a top winger like Ryan or Nash?

Chris Neil might be able to play wing on one of our top lines, but he is hardly a big point producer, and I couldn't imagine him playing with a playmaker like Turris. However, he would probably be the most likely candidate to play in Alfie's absence. Either that or we get Karlsson to play two positions at the same time.

Ticket Sales: We're all so crazy for hockey in this city that I can't really imagine we'd have a dramatic drop in ticket sales as a direct result of Alfie's retirement. Fans are excited to watch this young team next year. But I'm springing for a few extra games if it means witnessing moments from what would unquestionably be Alfie's final season.

So, as you can see, the effects of Alfie leaving are entirely negative. We lose the greatest leader and point-producer in the history of the franchise, and it creates a gaping hole on the wing. We can only hope that Alfie laces 'em up one more time, and distracts us all once again from our despondent lives.

C'mon Alfie, the kids like the hot tub!

Are we doing this?

Are we actually doing this blog again? Fuck. Oldmonk putting pressure to talk puck during the summer months when we should all be sitting outside on a patio, drowning in Bud Light Lime Mojito (oh god I'm kidding).

But this is a good time-filler for the shit rainy days, so here. we. go.


Let's talk Rick Nash!


By this time, everyone knows the Sens are interested in Slick Rick - RDS, TSN, etc are all reporting it, with the pieces going back being Zibanistan, Big Ben Bishop, and Nicky Figs. Lotta debate over why we should and why we why we shouldn't, with a lot of the smarter Sens blogs arguing against bringing in Nash, but let's get to the crux of the whole thing:

HOW EXCITING IS THE THOUGHT OF RICK FUCKING NASH?!?!

I'm just completely throwing logic and #fancystats aside here for a minute, because let's think of the times recently that we've been really excited as Sens fans:

• Gonchar signing as a UFA(!!) WOW! SERGEI GONCHAR, ALL-STAR!
• Sens have the 6th pick! Couturier is still available after the Isle bomb their pick with Ryan Strome, and Corey Pronman ranks him as a great talent! Can't wait!
• Craig Anderson for BElly? I don't just like this trade, I Joseph Gordon-LOVE IT!
• Kyle. Turris.

So I threw a couple bad examples in there, because yeah...maybe the pundits are right, and Nash is going to regress just as expected; if that's the case, 55-65pts on a $7.8M contract is pretty dang terrible. But don't you want to get excited anymore? Don't you want to get that TSN alert on your phone, and go "HOLY SHIT WHAT JUST HAPPENED" and start calling all your friends to talk about it?

Let's be real here: no one expected the Sens to make the playoffs this past year, and that was awesome. Great year, whatever whatever. It brought a lot of casual fans back to the team, and what better way to draw them even further back  into the fold than to bring a marquee name to the team? At the end of the day, this is a business so y'know Huge Euge wants those sell-outs, and maybe in the long term this will turn out godawful and I hate you Rick Nash I hate you just go die.

But maybe not. So chalk this Sens fan up to being excited about the possibility, and let's leave all the bitching and moaning 'til they hit the ice, eh?

oldmonk's bare bones draft review

I went to see the Jerry Seinfeld show at the National Arts Centre in Ottawa, Ontario on June 22nd, 2012.

Start time? 9:30 PM.

Moms wanted to do dinner with the fam first. Allegro's on Preston.

Start time? 6 PM.

This means I don't get to watch the draft when it begins live from Pittsburgh, Pencilvaynia at 7:00 PM. Allegro's is shit for draft watching. First of all, it doesn't even have a TV(!) Shoulda gone to Big Rig's, Ma.

Seinfeld is hilarious. He does 100% new material. I've memorized that "I'm telling you for the last time" CD to high heaven. My dad always had it in the car. New stuff from Jerry, nice one. Good bit about how it would be funny if the e-mail man existed, much like the mailman in fact does exist. He then went on to conclude that the e-mail man would just be a fat slob that lives in your house and constantly bugs you about boner pills.

So the point is I made it through the entire night without hearing a single whisper about the draft. Avoided all TVs, all forms of conversation with "outsiders", and made it through the evening. I had recorded the entire draft. I sat down to watch this thing, and boy was I in for one eventful ass nighhhht.

The first three picks went pretty much exactly as expected. I thought Tambellini might move down though, considering his talk during the day about being able to finally draft for need. Rielly to the Leafs at #5 was a good pick if they really like him that much. But I will say this: for Burke to come right out and say that they would've taken Rielly at #1 overall was ridiculous.

Is it just me or did every other team in the NHL draft fucking horribly? It just seemed like this draft had more reaches than a toothbrush aisle. Lindholm at 6? Koekkoek at 10? Jankowski at 21? Gutsy move to just identify which guys you want and then take them regardless of position, but man...trade down! Shitsburg fans also booed every. single. pick. like. donkies. Don't even try to boo like us Pittsburgh fans, you will never boo like Sens fans boo.

But the important thing is that Ottawa once again kicked in the door and straight homi-hom'd this draft.

Very limited and crap analysis on the Sens picks:

Cody Ceci: Had to take him. Teravainen or Maatta would've been just fine too, but you gotta take this Orleans movie-theatre-swarm hoodlum. Nice looking family, dad played CFL ball. Sis is a fox. Mommy b tight 2. This guy put up the best numbers of any defenceman in a major junior league, and that sits well with people. Was very happy to get him. The reaction from his cheering section was hilarious. I hope he has a long and happy career here in Ottawa. Adam, get this guy on Twitter. Oh yeah, Seinfeld also had a bit about how birds were the original tweeters. #Sex #Worms #GottaHaveIt.

Jarrod Maidens: Initial impression was that he looks like a younger, tougher Conan O'Brien. I guess Maidens was originally a top 30 guy, but fell in the draft due to a concussion. But there's an interview with him up on SensTV and this kid seems determined to prove his naysayers wrong. He's saying shit like "I hated waiting that long to be called" and "I won't let the organization down". Again, good things to be hearing from a young player.

The Goalies: I think that Sens scouts were originally gunning for local 6'2"goalie Daniel Altshuller. However, he went to Carolina seven picks prior to the Senators' first pick in the third round. We took Chris Dreidger as a result. I don't know much about him, other than he played for the Calgary Hitmen. Francois Brassard, son of the Le Droit sports editor, was picked 166th overall, giving us two goalies. Hard to see them beating out Lehner or Bishop for the starting job, but good to bolster what has traditionally been a shit position for the Sens.

Mikael Wikstrand: For whatever reason I feel like this kid will end up being a roster player one day. I just have that hunch, based on nothing other than yet another SensTV interview. Our scouts said they received calls from the Wild and someone else to trade for their 7th round pick, but we were like nah we want Wikstrand.

Robert Baillargeon: Product of the USHL, seems like a little forward with good passing and above average skating. Needs to work on his overall hockey game in order to be successful. If he works hard, he can be a good player, he just needs to have the desire. He is a smart player. I'm trying to ramble on without actually knowing or saying anything about Robert Baillargeon.

Timothy Boyle: Oh, this sounds like a nice boy. Timothy? Cuuuute! A product of Nobles(?) high school and taken at 106th overall, Tim is the brother of current NHLer Bria........................GET THE FUCK OFF MY TEAM YOU FUCKING BLOOD FART. IS THAT A PIMPLE OR A BOYLE?? MY GOD, 13 CHILDREN IN THIS FAMILY? WHAT A TRASHBAG FREAK SHOW. GET BACK UNDER THE BRIDGE WITH YOUR BROTHER YOU SCAB.


Thanks for reading, Jaker. We've met our posting quota for the year.

Sens v. Jets recap (non-drunken) & Boschman Beauties' Bobby Ryan "sweepstakes" take

The Sens came away with an enormous two points last night after a wild ass game that saw goals from four different Sens players. The entire game was extremely fast-paced, which shouldn't surprise many people considering the youth movement underway from both teams.

"Finish him"

The Sens opened the scoring with a nice snipe from Michalek, and ended the first period with a 1-0 lead. At this point, it looked like a snoozefest, and everyone was thinking "why didn't I bet the under??" However, Bryan Little not only got the Jets back into the game with his goal midway through the second, but also opened the figurative goal floodgates. It was truly a crazy one after that, with both teams alternating the lead multiple times, and the Jets held a 4-3 lead with ten minutes to go.

But once again, as they seem to do these days, the Sens dominated the third period. Spezza scored a beauty after an amazing passing play from Phillips (yeah, Phillips) and Karlsson. 4-4, and the Sens never looked back. Inspired by his teammates, Colin Greening skated out half the ice to beat out two Jets defencemen, only to be viciously shoved from behind into the net. It was a play that Denis Savard referred to as "pure gutsy" but I thought it was "pure shit" from Oduya or whoever. Dangerous play. YOU WON'T LIKE GREENING WHEN HE'S ANGRY!

Greening's brother Zack Smith took exception to the hit on the ensuing powerplay, scoring his second goal of the game and propelling the mighty Senators to a 5-4 lead. Empty net, and this one's over.

There were a fair amount of minor injuries in this game, with both Filatov and Kuba leaving the game and not returning. Every Jets fan was complaining about Zack Smith's first goal, which happened after Pavelec had seemingly covered up the puck, but the refs didn't blow, or even intend to blow, the whistle. To those complainers, I offer the following rebuttal (or reBUTLER);

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fqn7Ni69hWs&feature=youtube_gdata

*******

Alright, here's the situation. Rumours dictate that the guy who was drafted directly after Sidney Crosby has become available for trade. He's only 24 and has scored at least 30 goals in every season that he has played, good enough reason for the Ducks to trade him.

So let's take a look at what the Sens would have to offer;

You gotta think that the Ducks have a huge need for defence, leading us to consider a few D prospects from the Sens' system.

Jared Cowen: The Ducks would jump all over this shut-down monster as part of a package deal, but they would likely point to his small level of NHL experience to drive a hard bargain. Besides, YOU CAN'T TEACH SIZE.

David Rundblad: We gave up Tarasenko to get this guy, so you gotta know that Sens management is high on his skillz. However, we do have a similar player in Karlsson, and when contract time comes around, what percentage of our cap room are we really gonna have for puck-moving D-guys?

Mark Borocop: Wouldn't play well anywhere other than Ottawa, so Anaheim doesn't want him.

Patrick Weirdcock: I've heard about this guy for like 7 years but have yet to recall him shooting a puck or making a pass or any other basic play.

Alright, so considering Karlsson is untouchable (not in Alfie's bedroom) and Anaheim is not stupid (Kuba, Phillips are out) that leaves us with the above options on D.

What about forwards?

Da Costa: He's on coach Maclean's shitlist right now, and I could definitely see him getting moved, but he would be a small piece of what would have to be a big package going back to Anaheim.

Butler: Do we wanna trade in a Bobby for a new, supposedly improved Bobby? Who are we, Whitney Houston?!?! Why doesn't anybody make fun of that lady anymore? But nah, Anaheim isn't doing this.

ALFREDSSON: Dare I say it??? The Ducks need a superhuman superhero right now, and I can think of no better fit to that description than my man Daniel.

So what's it gonna take here? Here's my ultimate dream scenario:

- Alfie (sorry, but I would in this case)
- Da Costa
- Cowen
- 2nd rounder

for

B. Ryan
1st rounder

Anaheim drops to last place in the league, we steal off into the night with the number one overall pick.

Eugene Melnyk read this and gimme a call for the GM position, will ya?

Adam, plz edit this in terms of formatting, will ya?

Lazy Man's Weekend

Welcome back!

In case you can't tell, there's a pretty mellow vibe to this blog as far as updates go, and as far as keeping it prim & proper on a regular basis. That'll happen when there's only one Sens game on a motherfucking Sunday night, at the same time as the New York Giants are playing the Eagles in the game that decides whether Adam wins $1600 on a Pro-Line ticket (LOST, FELL ASLEEP).
Hard to recap a Sens game when you don't even watch it, am I right? Twitter recap said it was a snoozer, and the team lost so that's not much fun. Recap done!

Upcoming Free Agents

The problem with blogging that one comes across every. single. day. is the repeating of ideas - follow blogs about one team rather than "around the league" blogs, and it's even worse. BUT WITH THAT IN MIND! here's a look at upcoming  free agents that the Sens could 'potentially' take a look at this summer.

The drunkest oilers vs. Senatoras November 17th, 2011 game review you're ever gonna get.

EDITOR'S NOTE: We've asked "Oldmonk" to do drunken game recaps. They won't always be drunken because that's a quick trip to the grave, but when they are you'll see this note. Post is unedited, but any clarifying comments will be noted.


My one rtule is that I can't use the back space button for this post in its entirely.